I AM Corybantic
pg.8

Man-blood – 4 October 2002

I feel GREAT this morning. I’ve been gradually feeling better, from the beginning of the week to the end, and here it is – Friday. I have this just-try-and-fuck-with-me attitude on today, I think that’s the result of the accumulation of being fucked with all week. The attitude has caused me to groom myself into a severe look. Slicked back hair, tiny specks instead of my funky glasses – black pant outfit, black boots. Light, glossy lips instead of my signature red. Two people asked me if I got a facial. Let ‘em wonder.

On the phone with Spider Monkey yester eve, we agreed that it would be wonderful if every man, just for one day, could experience the full throes of menstruation. No, we wouldn’t require that they go through it every month for the bulk of their lives, we wouldn’t even require a full week (not even counting before and after, pre and post, my friends, no, not even that), just one, simple day. A day of excruciating cramps, seemingly non-stop blood flow from your “special purpose” (reference The Jerk), odd food cravings, being pensive, emotional, tears for no reason, anger for seemingly naught. Yes, we are in agreement. And not because we wish for our counter-gender to suffer, no, not that. Just to UNDERSTAND. We believe that one day, with all symptoms, would achieve this for womankind. And that, my congregation, is the word of the Barb.

Alright, onto your weekend, you! Go! Do with it what I would do – you know, live it up. Because I just may be taking mine down a notch and finishing another book. I trust that whatever I do, it will be wonderful. I hope for you the same, inevitable results. Inevitable, because we expect no less than wonderful. And good or bad, we ALWAYS get what we expect, whether we think so or not.

Growing Pains – 24 December 2002

“Depend upon it that if a man talks of his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagreeable to him.” – Samuel Johnson

I can see that, Mr. Johnson. Great name, by the way. There are some people I know who seem to only talk of hardships. Granted, we all have them now and then, interspersed with “easyships” (Barbarism), but our hardships are just so much easier to point out and talk about, aren’t they? As if we only have real news if something tragic or difficult is occurring. Which reminds me of another Mr. Johnson quote, “Adversity has ever been considered the state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself.” I used to think that one could ONLY grow from the pain and difficulties of life. Sure, they are necessary, and because of this I have greatly appreciated on some level ALL of my pain and sorrow.

But I’m noticing, at this point in my life, that there are other ways to grow as well. Those are the ones I’m working on now.

Halloween in the Office – 31 October 2002

Okay, I succumbed to the ultimate Halloween copout – I dressed as a Fetish Monster to work today. C’mon, give a girl a break, I needed something QUICK! And it’s not like these people know any better. Although, something very interesting happened just now by the coffee machine. A female coworker, the same one I’m practicing “domination in the office” on, was unbelievably and hyperbolically FREAKED OUT by me. In a squirmy, can’t-handle-it sort of way. But her reaction was strange for someone merely freaked out.

She looked at me and she literally backed into a corner. She said, “This is too much, this is too much, why couldn’t you dress as something innocent?” Then, she asked where I got the jewelry and accessories, and when I told her, she almost hyperventilated. There’s NOTHING odd about where I got the things I have (which for information’s sake were a string of innocuously named stores in L.A.). It was the fact that I already had them that freaked her out the most, and I must say, the more she backed away, the more I stepped toward her. She was in between two file cabinets and when I asked her if she wanted me to tether her there, if she would feel safer, in a calm and even tone of voice. She grabbed her coffee cup, removed the pot while it was still brewing and streaming out, filled her cup, put the pot back on the burn from where the liquid just dripped, went into her office giggling hysterically and closed the door. Odd.

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